Let's Be Honest

What's wrong with honesty? I think I've caused myself, and apparently others, more grief by being honest than if I had lied. When did lying become such an integral part of how we interact? With Adam and Eve, I suppose, if you put stock in that.
Some people lie to protect or benefit themselves. Lying can produce tangible gains, like when people take credit for something they didn't do and get a promotion. Or people lie to their spouses or significant others and say they're not cheating. I guess they think they're protecting their lives at home while still being able to cozy up to someone else. If the life at home is worth protecting, then why venture out at all? As a trial run to see if they really want to give up their current lives? That doesn't work, because the parallel life is just bullshit from the start. When people put on their best faces, as in the early stages of a relationship, they're not being entirely truthful. So the person with whom one has an affair likely isn't exactly honest. And even if that person is honest, the relationship isn't. The principals don't have to deal with money issues and kid raising and illness and family affairs and how sometimes someone looks real good and other times not so much.
Sometimes lying appears to derive from self-preservation. Officer, I had one drink, when really it was one drink every 20 minutes for two hours. Worth a shot, I guess. O.J. got away with a big lie, so it does pay off sometimes.
Lies at other times can appear to be virtuous, like the guys who lied about their ages so they could fight in wars. And sometimes people lie to protect other people. But when they do so, they take something away from the other person. I'd rather have someone tell me the truth and then decide for myself what I want to do with that. People too often assume they know how another person will react. Maybe that's right at times, but maybe they don't give the other person enough credit, or at least the ability to decide for themselves. Then, when the lie gets exposed, the relationship is in a worse position than it would have been had the person told the truth in the first place.
For other people, lying appears to be a game. They've gotten away with it, so they do it again. And they're good at it. They even come to believe their own lies.
Sometimes those who are lied to are party to the lie. We allow other people to get away with lies because we want the lie to be the truth. I think it's in the U2 song "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?" where he sings "You lied to me, 'cause I asked you to." The liar and the person the whom the liar lies each have culpability. I'm over that, though. I've had people lie to me, and I'd rather not have that anymore. "I'll take my sorrow straight," as Iris DeMent says. Of course, it's going to happen. The kids lie. But their lies are understandable. They're so self-interested and afraid of getting in trouble that they can't help themselves. Some grow out of it, and some don't. If nothing else, I want my kids to grow up to be honest and willing to accept responsibility for their actions.
The Ten Commandments say you shouldn't lie, the part about bearing false witness against your neighbor. I'm too busy coveting my neighbor's ox to bear false witness. Apparently even Catholic people don't abide by them. I didn't know that.
So, how much of what we see is a lie. The maxim that "nothing is ever as it seems" appears pretty close to the truth. "Pretty Close to the Truth" is a Jim Lauderdale song. There's also a line in a Joe Henry song in which he says he never cared much for truth. Maybe that's the key. Maybe I've cared way too much about truth. And what's the difference, anyway? Does it matter in the end? And what is truth, as asked by Johnny Cash, and Kid Rock. House says lies form the foundation of all successful relationships. That's the fictional character House, played by Hugh Laurie, to whom I apparently have many similarities. The fictional and real House. But, really, how much of what we see in a person truly represents that person? Much less than we think, I think. But we idealize. We need to idealize. We need diversions. We need to see things the way they're not because, well, we just can't handle the truth.
Maybe my epitaph can be: The stupid son of a bitch didn't lie enough.