Saturday, November 16, 2013

RAK'D

I left work recently and saw, as I approached my vehicle, something on the windshield, held in place by the wiper. Expecting to find an advertisement for somebody to clean my house or remove the leaves from my yard or some kind of handyman pitch, I instead discovered that I'd been RAK'D. A card attached to a pack of Sour Patch Kids said so. Someone's idea of a random act of kindness involved leaving what in all likelihood was excess Halloween candy on my car. Cash would have been better, and, really, I'm not going to eat anything left on my vehicle. Birds shit on it, after all. Or they could have washed and waxed my car. No, just Sour Patch Kids.
So I put it on the car next to mine and left. Then I considered the possibility that someone could be trying to poison me, after which I thought, shit, I could just be poisoning someone who had the misfortune to park next me if that person was stupid enough to eat the candy. Then I thought, fuck, if the package was poison-laced, there were cars of specific people I could have put it on, especially the vehicle parked next to me leaving me virtually no fucking room to open my own door. And, right, when they park that close, they're careful not to ding my door with their own? Opportunity blown. It could have backfired, of course, and I might have ended up giving someone I don't like the opportunity to have candy on their way home. Or they could have given it to their kids, which would have been all right, except for the possible poison thing.
I once worked with a woman who had a sign on her desk that read something like "Perform Random Acts of Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty." She was one of the biggest backstabbing bitches with whom I ever had the misfortune to work. So that's what this "random act of kindness" did for me--it made think of her and just pissed me off. But, hey, maybe someone was just trying to be nice here.