Execute

On a radio show recently, the hosts were playing a game called "Who Should Be Arrested?" They came up with fat women in spandex, people texting and walking, groups of people taking up the whole sidewalk, people crossing the street who walk more slowly as your car approaches, etc. The people who walk more slowly crossing the road, what are they trying to prove, that I won't run them over? They make me want to run them over by doing so.
At an amusement park recently, my son saw a sign on the cable cars traversing the park that said people throwing stuff out of the cars, potentially onto unsuspecting passersby below, would be prosecuted. Except he mistook "prosecuted" for "executed." Then I considered and figured all right, I'll go with execute. So my version of the game is "Who Should Be Executed?"
To wit:
--People who cut in line at amusement parks. Or anywhere. The amusement-park cutters should be made to stay on that particular ride until they, well, die.
--People who are at the back of the line in the store, let's say Walmart, who don't afford the people in front of them the opportunity to go to a newly opened register first. In other words, the line is long, some people have been waiting for a while, the store finally decides to open another line, and the motherfuckers who just got in the back of the long line scurry over to be first in the new line.
--Aside from people walking and texting, people driving who are doing anything on the phone.
--People who have no apparent handicap who park in handicapped spaces. Maybe they shouldn't be executed, but they at least should be maimed and subsequently denied the right to park in handicap spaces.
--People who park in the fire lanes at convenience stores; in fact, anybody driving who only has consideration for himself and is willing to inconvenience anybody else.
--People who line up at the Academy Awards to watch the stars on the red carpet.
--The stars on the red carpet.
--Republicans.
--Democrats.
--People who don't pick up dog shit off my lawn.
--Anybody who hurts a kid, especially since I just read a story about a baby stuffed in a suitcase in Pennsylvania.
--Pedophiles, for sure, and any other sexual predator.
--Drivers who go 50 mph in 25-mph zones.
--Drivers who go 25 in 50-mph zones.
--People whose car stereos make the windows in my house vibrate when they pass.
--Adults who eat with their mouths open.
--Adults who make noise when they eat (they're usually the ones with their mouths open).
--The guy who sat behind me in the quiet car on the train and cracked his gum for an hour, blowing little bubbles or whatever.
--Litterbugs.
--People for whom you hold the door who don't acknowledge that you've held the door, as if you're meant to be their door holder. Maybe they're distracted. If so, they should get undistracted and say thanks for holding the fucking door.
--People who don't hold the door for you, even though you're four feet behind them.
--Kids who wear their pants halfway down their asses and their baseball caps cocked at an angle to their skulls. They should at least be marked with a red-hot branding iron right through the underwear that's showing.